


What if..

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment, Episode: s03e02 The Shakespeare Code, Omorashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 13:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An introspection of the various bathroom options the Doctor had, that night at the inn.





	What if..

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [No Excuses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18182819) by [Forget_About_Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forget_About_Me/pseuds/Forget_About_Me). 



Option 1: Chamber pot

 

The Doctor looked at the chamber pot in the corner, frowning at it with disdain. Unfortunately, it was the only option, besides scuttering off, which had its risks. Sighing in resignation, he walked over to the pot, unzipped and let go. He closed his eyes, trying to pretend he wasn’t peeing in a ceramic pot.  _ Not that it matters that much, honestly, _ he thought. He finished, smiling with relief, zipped up and got back to his midnight thoughts. 

 

A few hours later, Martha woke up and went to empty the chamber pot, but was surprised to see the contents had changed colour. What was yellow before she went to bed, was now greenish blue. She instantly guessed it was the Doctor who had used it, as she never recalled peeing blue. 

  
“Is your wee usually blue?” she asked the Doctor. 

 

He blushed slightly at the question. 

  
“Hasn’t always been, but yeah, lately. It’s all good,” he assured her. 

  
“It’s not radioactive, is it? It’s not dangerous to dump it out?” she asked worriedly. 

 

“Oh no, I’ve peed in nature on Earth quite a few times. Don’t recall ever drinking something turning it dangerous.” the Doctor replied.

 

Scrunching up her face slightly at the sharp smell, Martha dumped out the pot into a pile of mud and hay. 

 

***************************************

Option 2: Finding somewhere out in the town to go

 

Result a-

 

Resolutely refusing the chamber pot as an option, the Doctor walked quietly out the room, and out of the inn, succeeding in not waking anyone. Enjoying the nightlight of medieval London for a moment, he started looking around for a suitable location. He walked down towards where the TARDIS was, finding a small alley with no sleeping vagrants, or other signs of possible witnesses. He got in position in front of a pile of hay, and started weeing, continuing to look around nervously, in between sighs of relief. He washed his hands in a nearby mop bucket, and walked back to the inn. Then he heard a scream, and  _ ran _ back to the inn. Locating the source, the Doctor nearly bumped into Martha on his way to Shakespeare’s room. He saw Dolly Bailey, the innkeeper, lying lifeless at the edge of the door. He concluded that she died of fright, and informed Will and Martha. Martha however, was looking at him strangely.

 

Once they were back in their room, she began to interrogate him. “What were you doing out bed?” she asked. 

 

The Doctor scratched the back of his head trying to come up with an excuse.

 

“I got bored,” he lied. 

 

“So you decided to take a walk, that was quick enough for you to make it back just seconds after me,” she pointed out, picking apart his lame lie. 

 

“I didn’t want to..” he began, looking down at the ground, really not wanting to have to  _ explain _ , much less _ admit _ , what happened. 

 

“Didn’t want to what?” Martha asked, inviting him to continue. 

 

“Use that,” the Doctor elaborated, pointing at the chamber pot. 

 

Martha began to understand. 

  
“So you popped out for a wee?” she asked. The Doctor blushed madly, and nodded. “In retrospect, bad timing,” he admitted. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, you couldn’t have known,” Martha reassured him, chuckling a bit at the actual reason for his disappearance..

 

Result b: 

 

Martha abruptly woke up, hearing the door to the inn creaking from the window, as the Doctor opened it loudly, without thinking, and walked out.

 

She opened the window quietly, and saw the Doctor just standing outside the inn. That wasn’t the odd part, though. What was strange was the fact that he was squirming slightly, and shifting his weight from his left foot to his right, sort of rocking his body back and forth. ‘ _ He looks, uncomfortable,’ _ she thought. 

 

The Doctor returned to the inn, relieved, to find Martha sitting on her side of the bed, clearly having waited on him. 

 

“Care to explain what you were doing, squirming in the moonlight?” she asked dubiously, her arms crossed like she was being strict, but smiling all the same.

 

“Well, the moon’s glow looked lovely, I thought I’d take a look. Even did a little dance,” the Doctor lied, smiling casually, guessing she saw his “rocking” movements. 

 

“Well, that would explain the “rickety” movements, but not the squirming” Martha countered. 

 

The Doctor sighed, accepting that he needed to own up. It wasn’t that big of a deal anyway, really.

 

“I had to  _ go _ , and didn’t want to use the chamber pot. I got captivated by the moonlight for a bit, then went for a leak in an alley,” he admitted, looking out the window to avert her gaze. 

 

“Alright, then. That’s fine. When you’ve gotta go, you gotta go. Haven’t visited this era a lot then, have you? Or you’d be used to chamber pots by now,” Martha remarked smiling. 

 

“Not enough times, no,” he confirmed, shaking his head. 

 

**Bonus-same for all three; A lesson in Gallifreyan Biology**

 

The Doctor sat on a chair in the corner thinking. But it was Martha who ended up with the thought. 

 

“Why didn’t you go in the TARDIS before picking me up?” she asked the Doctor. 

 

“I went ahead in time to after your brother’s party, almost right after walking out of the hospital. Didn’t need to go before that,” he answered. 

 

“Still, why didn’t you go in the hospital, then? Even if you didn’t need to go..” Martha then asked.

 

“That’s not how it works for me. I lost track of how long it had been since last I went, so didn’t think about that at all,” the Doctor explained. 

 

“Wait, you forgot how long it had been?” Martha asked incredulously.. He nodded. Martha scoffed in surprise. 

 

“How often do you need to go?” she asked. 

 

“Depends on what. Nr 1, once every three days, nr 2 once every 5,” he informed her. Her mouth went wide open at the word “days”. 

 

“No wonder you forgot. Hard to keep track of days.” Martha said, understanding. “Though, my point stands, whether it goes hours, or days between your bathroom breaks, you should always plan ahead for your bladders benefit” she instructed, as the doctor she almost was. 

 

“After all, you never know when you end up in the Dark Ages with no toilets” she reminded him jokingly, with a laugh. The Doctor chuckled with her. 

 

“Yeah,” he said, raising his eyebrows and nodding in agreement, after these  _ awkward _ events..

 

The End.


End file.
